I found this article on The Knot.
– Toni LaMotta
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Vows & Readings: 10 Steps to Writing Your Own Vows
- Talk to Your Officiant
Before you get carried away and start spilling your heart out on the page, do your homework. Check with your officiant to make sure that it’s okay to pen your own promise — some religions do not allow for variation on traditional vows. Even if you’ve gotten the go-ahead, it’s imperative that you pass your vows by him or her once you’ve finished. Your officiant may raise faith-based questions or objections to your wording, or contribute a thought or quote that might make your vows even more emotive.2. Suss Out a Strategy
Decide if you’ll write the vows together or alone. If you go solo, you may want to take turns running them by each other before the big day. (If you want to keep the vows a surprise, run them by a trusted loved one). Make sure that you both write approximately the same length of text so that one person isn’t rambling on for five minutes while the other says ten words. If you choose to make it a joint task, pen a mutual vow that you both take. Or, create a fill-in-the blank model for each one of you to personalize.3. Take a Trip Down Memory Lane
The best self-composed vows are highly personal, with a few vivid, heartfelt details. Make a date with your honey for dinner or breakfast in bed and reminisce about your own private love story. When was the first time you used the word love? What are your most tender memories of one another? Has your sweetie helped you through a crisis? What challenges do you envision in your future? List the qualities you most admire in your loved one, and characteristics that he/she brings out in you. Incorporate some of these recollections in your vows.4. Borrow Freely
Find your muse by reading poetry, love stories, spiritual texts — even by watching romantic movies. Jot down words and phrases that capure your feelings, and use them as a springboard. There’s no such thing as plagiarism when it comes to affairs of the heart. Park yourself with a tub of popcorn in front of the American Movie Classics network; throw on some songsters of love for some unforgettable lyrics to add to your collection; go back and take a look at your favorite authors’ works — including your childhood favorites.5. Consult Tradition
You may fancy yourselves nontraditional, unconventional hipsters, but remember that traditional vows have endured for a reason. These timeworn, polished words are not just moving, succinct reflections on the meaning of love and commitment — they are emblems of the nuptial ceremony’s public, communal nature and a way of linking married folk of past, present, and future. Get your hands on the standard vows for your religion(s) or faith(s) — then see what strikes a chord.6. Pour Your Hearts Out
As with all writing, you must eventually put pen to paper. Gather all the threads you’ve collected — memories, quotes, passages, reflections — and get to work. Words that should enter your mind — and appear in your vows — include respect, cherish, love, support, commit, pledge, and promise. Personalized vows can be funny and warm, but they should still be serious about the marriage commitment.7. Include Your Audience
Don’t make your vows so personal that only the two of you will understand their meaning. Make sure the emotions and experiences you touch upon are identifiable and universal — you’ve invited guests to witness your bond, not to endure a baffling performance art monologue.8. Keep ’em Short and Sweet
Your wedding vows are the most important element of your ceremony, but that doesn’t mean they should be long-winded. Your chosen words should pack a punch — just like your love — and should reflect your clarity of vision, sincerity of emotion, and certainty of will. Run your finished product by a trustworthy friend or family member with polished editing skills.9. Do a Run-Through
Yes, your vows are for you and your honey — but they’ll also be heard by your entire wedding, so be sure they sound good when spoken. Practice out loud, alone or with a trusted friend. Also watch out for tongue twisters and unruly sentences (you may run out of breath — you’ll be nervous enough as it is). Make your final edits and consider copying your words onto stationery or a beautiful card, so that you and your sweetie will have it in print for years to come.10. Make a Cheat Sheet
If you think you can memorize your vows, go for it! If you’re likely to draw a blank (as most nervous couples are), we’re giving you permission to cheat: Have a copy ready to read from or have the officiant read them for you to repeat. You probably won’t want to pull out a sheet of paper from the corset of your gown or jacket pocket, so assign your maid of honor and/or best man the duty of holding the vows until the moment arrives.
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The Knot© 2004