WEDDING message:
Krista and Joseph have come today to make public their love and commitment to live and grow together as husband and wife. It is their wish that by being here today, we will all come to feel a real and intimate part of their declaration, and thus make it even more significant and powerful.
Marriage is the joining of two lives, the mystical, physical, and emotional union of two human beings who have separate families and histories, separate memories and destinies. It is the merging not only of two persons, and two personalities, but also of two life stories. Two individuals, each of whom has a unique and life shaping past, willingly choose to set aside the solitary exploration of themselves to discover who they are in the presence of one another. Marriage is a conscious choice of a greater connection into which two individuals, already whole and complete, now step.
There is no greater teacher than our partner.
We think we know and Moved by mutual attraction, appreciation, admiration, and a certain measure of recognition, we agree to come together for the mysterious future, to see where the journey will take us.
Marriage is also the protected environment in which a love that is personal and touching and real can grow and, as a consequence of that growth, develop in us our highest capabilities as loving human beings. We are each still and always becoming, and when we marry, we promise not only our own becoming but also our willingness to witness and withstand the ongoing becoming of our partner – this is where the challenge and the rub comes in…
I want to suggest today that there are 7 basic spiritual laws of any relationship – they are commitment, sharing, growth, communication, mirroring, responsibility and forgiveness.
Today you are making a COMMITMENT – but to be authentic, that commitment must be made and lived each day. When we make a commitment like this to another human being, we are saying – Your happiness is as important to me as my own. Remember this when you have days of challenge…commitment means loving even when the feeling isn’t there.
SHARING & GROWTH – – The spiritual aspect of a relationship actually begins when the romance stage ends.. In reality, we are challenged to accept our partner just the way he or she is. It never works to think you can change someone. Love accepts both weaknesses and strengths. Sharing your values, your hopes and your dreams on an ongoing basis, helps you develop a genuine compassion for one another. Find things that you love to do alone by all means. But, be sure you have things you share.
I once asked a couple who was married for 40 years what made their marriage work. They answered – we share enough in common –but we allow ourselves and value each person’s differences. That sounds easy – but it is what makes a relationship strong is the ability and the commitment of each person to his or her own growth, creative expression and self-actualization. It’s also important to continue to challenge the relationship to grow in greater intimacy and trust. Each year on your anniversary, you might ask, How have we grown this year and what do we plan on doing to help that growth next year?
COMMUNICATION – I could give a year’s worth of lessons on this one – for today, let’s just say – Make no assumptions and tell the truth at all times. Talk about feelings and
MIRRORING and RESPONSIBILITY – know that you have come into this partnership for your own growth and that ANYTHING that comes up between you is usually something you need to heal from the past.. See each other as mirrors and recognize that you are the only one responsible for how you feel.
And finally, Forgiveness – No relationship is smooth at all times. In moments of disconnection, remember that you are committed to LOVE first – and you’ll be able to FORGIVE whatever comes up between you.
In promising always, you promise each other time. You promise to exercise your love, to stretch it large enough to embrace the unforeseen realities of the future. You promise to learn to love beyond the level of your instincts and inclinations, to love in foul weather as well as fine, in hard times as well as good.
I know that you will change because of these promises; you will shape yourselves according to them; you will live differently because of them; you will feel protected because of them. Marriage, the bond, paradoxically makes you free — to see, to be, to love. I bless you today as I know we all do – our prayers are with you on your journey of Love.