Sherri Cunningham – LAD402
Memorial Service Questions to ask
Set a time to either go to their home, or come to your office. I like to have people come to my space as it is a neutral space and very spiritual and comforting in nature. I allow them to talk as much as they need as it often becomes very therapeutic for the family to have these moments to talk about their family member. I try and start with an opening prayer, but not always. I let the energy guide me as to what to say or do. The below questions are guides. Things highlighted in yellow are from my experiences and are super important to get right and ask clarifying questions if need be to fully understand.
When writing a memorial service or planning a eulogy, gathering information from the family is important to ensure that you capture the essence of the person being remembered. Here are some questions you may consider asking the family:
- Basic Information:
- Full name, including any nicknames or preferred names.
- Birth and death dates.
- Place of birth and place of death.
- Family members: spouse, children, siblings, etc.
- Who will be in attendance to acknowledge – get full names and put in order in your notes.
- Is there anyone coming I need to pay special attention to?
- Anything you do NOT want to talk about?
- Personal Details:
- What were their passions and interests?
- Did they have any hobbies or special talents?
- What were their favorite books, movies, music, or activities?
- Memorable Moments:
- Can you share some memorable stories or anecdotes about the person?
- Are there specific life achievements or milestones you’d like to highlight?
- Personality Traits:
- How would you describe the person’s personality?
- Were there any defining characteristics or quirks that made them unique?
- Values and Beliefs:
- What were the person’s core values or beliefs?
- Did they have any religious or spiritual affiliations?
- Contributions to the Community:
- Did the person have a history of community service or volunteer work?
- Were they involved in any organizations or causes?
- Favorite Quotes or Sayings:
- Did they have any favorite quotes, sayings, or expressions that were meaningful to them?
- Are there friends or family that would want to speak?
- Music and Readings:
- Are specific songs, hymns, or readings meaningful to the person or the family?
- No more than three songs. Live music is good too. Be sure to add it to your order of service.
- Special Requests:
- Are there any specific requests or preferences for the memorial service, such as a particular theme or tone?
- Photos and Memorabilia:
- Can the family provide photos or memorabilia to incorporate into the service? The funeral homes will build slide shows to play during the service.
I will often share my final order of service with the memorial home contact so they know what I will say and who will be speaking. You will be seen as the leader and must behave as such. Starting on time, not letting it go too long, etc. The whole thing should not be more than 90 minutes, including when people get up and talk.
I like to get to a point with the family that they know the plans are done, and they will just need to show up and participate as far as the execution of the service itself. I will take the lead for the day so they can grieve.
I check in a few weeks later to see how everyone is doing. I always suggest grief counseling.
Be sure to set your rates upfront at the first meeting. I charge $200, but they often give more. Make sure the expectation of payment is done upfront. Without being pushy, get paid the day of. The funeral home will often collect the check and give it to you.
Send your resume to the local funeral homes, and leave a copy with a business card when you go to a new place. They will often recommend people that they have seen in action before.
Remember to smile. Find something fun to say in your talk. Sometimes, the tension needs to be broken. Look at social media when you are writing your service. You may find something fun.