Category: Memorials
Connie C. Eulogy
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#98.411200 From Toni Lamotta, Thu Apr 16 at 8:34p:
I invite you all to join me now in a symbolic toast, L’Chaim, Connie – to
LIFE.
Through all she suffered, through all she endured, she probably had the
chance to prepare her funeral more than anyone I know. But, through it all,
Connie wasn’t dying. She had a lust for life. She was an inspiration –
showing us LIFE – her message was to enjoy LIFE fully.
Born Oct. 23, 1943 to Josie & Joe LaMotta, her dad was in the service for
her first two years and she knew him only through the mailman. When she
began to speak, one of her sentences was “any mail from my dad?”
On weekends, either Uncles Charley took 3 buses to take her to Brooklyn or
Jenny took the train to bring her to Staten Island – and in both places, she
was the only girl child, much adored.
While mom was at work, she was raised by our grandmother, Connie #1 – and we
all knew she was #1. One of our many family stories of our broken
conversations – since grandma spoke only Italian, and Connie, very little –
was when she sent Connie to the store for pazalene. For those who don’t
know Italian, she was asking for “parsley”. Connie, feeling certain she
understood, proudly came home with a jar of Vaseline!
Her cousins and sister remember holidays where she directed our make shift
plays in our family basement – telling us in no uncertain terms when to sing
and dance on cue!
Connie clearly had a mind of her own – and she wasn’t afraid to share it
with Pope or pauper. At the age of one, she put her foot in her birthday
cake, and the people in Joe’s deaconate class say she had her foot in her
mouth frequently since!. Still, they made her an honorary member of the
class of ’83 for attending more classes than most of them. Connie can truly
be called the first woman deacon!
Connie was REAL – when she disagreed, you knew it. She saw things as black
and white, and had no room for gray. But, when she agreed, you knew that
too. She loved deeply and was passionate about everything she did. She
never did anything half- heartedly. So, if she said something, you knew she
meant it!
Joe proposed to Connie after 5 years of dating & he tells me that he slipped
the ring on her finger in a dark alley by her house. (I wonder what else
they did there?) Joe put the ring on the wrong hand – and from then on,
Connie began to give him directions.
She met Joe when he was 19 and she was only 16, at a bazaar at St. Francis
Xavier’s. Little did they know then that so much of their lives would
revolve around the Church.
Twenty-four years ago, they went to Bishop Sheridan, who was then pastor of
Holy Rosary and said, “Let us know if there is anything we can ever do to
help!” They were never without work since – and never without the blessings
of support that came with it. They were involved in the Church’s Baptismal
program, Family ministry and RENEW. They both attended a Cursillo and were
active in the Charismatic Renewal.
Many of you were probably right here twenty-one years ago on that Thursday
night in the pouring rain when Connie was being operated on for an aneurysm
on her brain. She was given a 1% chance to survive. Connie & Joe had
gotten involved with Marriage Encounter just three months before – and it
was to have a profound effect on their lives up to this day. The witness of
the faith and support from the Marriage Encounter community will remain in
all our memory.
The next 10 years were a struggle for recovery. She met each step with
Strength… Many people I spoke to this week and asked what they would say
about Connie, mentioned her Strength. One person suggested that strength
wasn’t strong enough – the word that described her was FORTITUDE – and
always – there was FAITH.
Through this time, she showed a great deal of unselfishness and became a
volunteer – bringing communion to nursing homes – and teaching others to
read, when she was just re-learning herself.
Many people I spoke to said their fondest memories about Connie centered
around the time of her adopting Michelle. I personally remember the day
with much joy. Michelle came to join our family in the weeks before
Christmas. The experience with her was so good that Connie and Joe decided
to do it again, and two years later came home with Joey, who many remember
as the longest bundle they had ever seen. He too came to join us at
Christmas time.
She seemed to choose Christmas time as her time of greatest joys and deepest
pains. Christmas is – after all – the day we most celebrate LIFE.
Connie never let her illness stop her from fully living. She loved to
travel and did so extensively. One of her favorite stories took place on
their trip to Hawaii, where after the other 6-8 people with her got out, she
was left in the elevator of a 20 story building. Each of them went up and
down the floors, calling, where are you, Connie? When they were all finally
united, Connie began her contagious giggle. So many of us shared so many
laughs with her. Even the therapist who worked with her during the most
difficult years of her recovery, sent a letter to Joe staying that through
all her difficulty, she always found reason to laugh.
She traveled to both coasts, from Maine to Florida, St. Thomas, Aruba,
Jamaica, the Panama Canal and most recently to Lourdes – ever believing,
ever hoping. On this recent trip, her only worry was that the airlines
would stop her and accuse her of smuggling drugs!
But, of all the places she traveled, her favorite place to be – the place
where she went to be refreshed and re energized for the past 5 years – was
Cape Cod. She seemed to leave her illness back in the Bronx whenever she
went there. So many of us share stories of whale watching, bike riding and
falling off (OOPS – don’t tell Joe!) and getting lost while carrying a huge
pot of mums and walking over 7 miles.
The dearest travel story that Joe told me, was on a trip to Lake Minnewaka,
when they were hiking on the trails. She looked at Joe and said, “look –
look how pretty. ” “What?”, he asked, for he didn’t see anything. “There”.
She was pointing to MOSS!! This is so symbolic of what she taught us. She
saw beauty where we all might see only plainness.
When someone recently said to her, “I wish the Dr. could have helped you to
live longer.” She responded, “Oh, but she gave me 10 good years.” She saw
so much positive – where many of us would see the negative.
So many people fight disease. Connie taught us all how to LIVE with
suffering. Connie faced cancer with Courage – Fortitude – Perseverance –
and most of all – FAITH. I know that if she could speak to us all here
today – she would want to give to each of us, her tremendous gift of FAITH.
She’d want us to believe as much as she believed. She’d want us to remember
when faced with our own life’s seeming struggles is that Living Life fully
is about believing.
Connie never lost hope and was rewarded for her faith by a peaceful death,
surrounded by her loved ones.
During her last weeks at Calvary, the comments most often heard were how
unselfish she was. She didn’t complain of her pain or talk of her own
suffering. Instead, she’d ask someone how their children were, or “would
you like to watch the news”, or “how was so and so feeling”.
Her selfless love was especially seen a few weeks ago when Nicky and Blanca
got engaged. “Where’s the champagne,” she said and holding her glass to
them she whispered one of her last few words, “To your happiness.” — and
to you, Connie, who has given us so much happiness, we toast, : To your
FAITH, to your LIFE, L’Chaim!
Suicide
We gather to honor __________’s memory and to support one another in grieving a death that is the hardest death to grieve: death that is chosen. We may find comfort in this time that we live where the freedom to choose is no longer laden with guilt, shame and damnation, and has even become law.
And we come into this time with a range of emotions as deep and complex as the beloved we are remembering.
- Here there is love – and the searing pain of separation.
- Here there is anger – and the futile search to understand why __________ (name) chose freedom from this life.
- Here there are questions – why, mostly. Why?
Some of you come feeling bruised by this death and asking what you could have done to prevent it. You are now as free as ________________, for this was not yours to prevent any more than a wave can defy the pull of the tide.
____________’s choice to die touches the fears that court many of us in our own moments of conflict and threatens the structures of meaning that affirm our own lives.
Let us remember that no single act can define a life.
No matter how stalked by pain, _________’s life also had its moments of delight and happiness, caring and friendship, sharing and love.
Death by choice is not a denial of life; it is the cry of despair for more life, Eternal Life. It grows from a deep personal alienation or profound suffering and is carried out alone, after a struggle within the self. And the Truth of Eternal Life is that it holds the promise of peace.
When a death such as this cuts across life in its fullness, we are left with a certain incompleteness.
We know that ________ leaves much unfinished, unfulfilled, unsaid. There are still other things you wanted to share with him/her, and he/she with you: Graduations, weddings, the birth of grandchildren; another walk on the beach at sunset, another shopping spree, another bridge game with the club. (Include interests)
This sadness for the loss of this life, full and blossoming, mingles with the sadness for the loss of possibilities not realized.
On [Sunday] morning, ____________ completed a decision.
Where there is pain and confusion, despair and doubt, we long for the end to suffering.
For some, like _____________, life no longer has any choices but one.
Life left scars that ______________ could not find the inner resources to heal.
The inner pain was too great – pain that he/she had contained within himself/herself for years, pain that often lashed out in anger, mostly at himself.
_________ chose to end the suffering for himself/herself.
The mind was exhausted, the heart frightened, and the end taken. And in that end, we must believe that the mind was free, the heart wide open and the anticipation of a new beginning filled the soul.
The suffering does not end, however, for those who have loved and cared for him/her.
Friends and family are left with feelings of shock, betrayal, anger, sadness, and – in time – compassion, forgiveness and understanding.
Those who are left ask and continue to ask, “What could I have done? Why didn’t I see it?”
No one knows. And nothing will bring him/her back.
No one is responsible for _________________’s choice but ________________.
It is a happy outlook to feel that we are born of eternal day and that the spiritual sun can never set upon the glory of the soul. And it is a happy thing to believe that no man need prepare to meet his God; he is meeting Him every day and each hour of every day. He meets Him in the rising sun, in the budding rose, in the joy of friendship and love, and in the silence of his own soul. And as the crowning event of man’s experience here, the soul takes its flight to meet Him as Host in the higher realms of a sublime and eternal Reality — not apart from but One with God, for the highest God and the innermost God is one God. Ernest Holmes, 10 Ideas That Make a Difference, 1966, p. 95.3.
We go from this world into another, and That which is us, being immortal, being eternal, goes on, carrying with It everything that makes for the warmth and color and responsiveness of human personality. Just as when we entered this world we were met by loving friends and tender care, so in the next we have every right to believe the same condition will attend us.
Ernest Holmes, Science of Mind Magazine, April 1971, p. 14.
On Death
Kahlil Gibran
You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides,that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
“Prayer at the Funeral of Someone Who Chose Freedom from the Life”
Let there be no whispering, no secrets here:
Our hearts are broken.
_____ took his/her own life.
And even though it might appear
that s/he died by his/her own hand,
no one does this without great, coercing pain,
inner suffering that seems to have no end.
Source of compassion, we cry out loud,
to hold each other gently,
to live with unanswerable questions,
normal feelings of anger and guilt,
and this gaping hole of loss.
We reach out to others who are suffering,
to show them our love, to say the kind word.
We see the Divine Image in the lives of those who suffer.
The sun sets and rises.
We put one foot in front of the other.
We hold our hearts in our hands and lift them up to God’s Eternal Peace,
and to each other.
And So It Is
POEM by David Foster Wallace
The person who ends his life doesn’t do so out of hopelessness or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square, and surely not because death seems suddenly appealing.
The person whose agony reaches a certain unendurable level will end his life the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise.
Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window– the fear of falling remains a constant.
The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors.
It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames.
And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on! can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.
Memorial for a Child
- Choose your music and readings carefully. “On Children” by Kahil Gibran is best for a Baby Blessing or Christening. Bereaved parents don’t want to hear that “Your Children, are not your children…” Do play songs from parents who have actually lost a child, like Eric Clapton’s “Tears in Heaven” or “Forever Young”…
- Pronounce the child’s name correctly and often. They may not remember anything else but if you say it incorrectly, they will remember that forever.
- Don’t say they have lost a child. It’s not comforting to think of our children as lost and parents don’t like to think they’ve lost their child. Refrain from using the word “loss” or “lost”. Their child has died and it is the death of the child that really happened. The word “transition” may not match their experience and may feel minimizing. Ask directly what works for them.
- Speak to the child’s death not as a tragedy, as if the child’s existence or death was an error or somehow wrong. Let everything about the child be right and good.
- Do focus on the Truth of Eternal Life with conviction. This child will always be a Guardian Angel, a Spirit Guide, a Guru, whose teachings will benefit all in ways that are uplifting over time and that the child is as close as a breath, forever and always alive in God and available to the parents.
- Talk about the child rather than where the child has gone or the “goodness” of God. Parents don’t want to hear that God called the child home or that the child is needed in Heaven. That just makes them madder at God. Bereaved parents may very well be angry at God for a long time and it’s okay to ease their mind (and guilt) by letting them know that God is big enough to handle that.
- They will know no greater pain. Let them know that they will live through this even when they think they can’t.
- Warn them that people may say the darndest things to them out of ignorance and that they can actually be happy for them that they have no idea. The parents will be forced into understanding, compassion and gratitude, forced to accept the ignorance of others, which can be noted as a gift from their child.The community can help or hinder. The parents may be asked, “Aren’t you over that yet?” when they finally find a language to speak about it. Or they may get lucky and find people who will listen when they want to talk about it…again, for years.
- It is so important to encourage the parents to talk about the child forever. They may feel shut down and isolated otherwise.
- That they now join the parents whose child raises them and who blesses them with super-human strength, love, compassion, understanding and that they will be able to be with other parents and families with an understanding that very few have.
- Agree that they would trade it all in to raise their child.
- Eventually the pain will ease and they will be able to come back to life… tell them to just be with the experience of this child’s life –the greatest gift that this child will give them will be the gift like no other– give them things that no other child will be able to give them.
- These children that stay for such a short time leave the biggest impact. This child’s life is powerful and will be celebrated forever. Remind them to be sure to make a place in the family for a celebration of this child every year on birthdays and the anniversary of the child’s transition. Celebrate this life because it is a life that is so giving of itself that it moves and changes whole communities. You don’t forget these dates. They are pulled out of the calendar and saved for remembrance. Acknowledge that this life is so important and will impact this family and community forever.
- Let family and friends know that holidays and special occasions are important to remember. Put the birthday and the anniversary of the baby’s death on the calendar and remember them with a call and a card. Create a celebration–we always celebrate our daughter’s birthday at Easter by giving our living children gifts. We hang ornaments on the XMAS tree…etc.
- Let the parents know they can stop worrying about forgetting. No matter how much time passes, nothing about this child will ever be forgotten, not how the child looked, how the child felt or who the child was and will always be.
- (For opposite sex couples) Chinese Proverb: You cannot carry another’s burden when your burden is already too heavy. In other cultures, couples whose child has died are separated, the mother goes with the women and the father goes with the men, and they are comforted individually and then reunited when enough time has passed to heal from the initial tidal wave of grief. In our culture we have three days to grieve and then we are expected to move on. With a child’s death, the waves of grief may not be like the initial tidal wave, but the 30-foot swells and the crashing of the waves upon the shores of the heart make the sea of life unbearable for years. Encourage them to elicit the support of a group of people sharing the same experience.
- The biggest challenge: What do I say/not say to these parents?
- Don’t say, “Your baby is with Jesus” to the mother. Jesus is not a mother so this is quite disturbing.
- Don’t say, “Thank God your baby was so young so you weren’t attached.”
- Don’t say, “You can have another baby.”
- Do say, “How are you?” and be prepared to listen.
- Do say the baby’s name.
- All you have to do is listen. You don’t have to come up with anything to say.
- And if the parents are together, advise them to go to someone other than each other for comfort and support.
- For the future…do ask the parent if you can go to the grave with them if there is one. You can bring clippers and help to trim any overgrowth around the headstone. You can feel the honor of being included in the visit and the prayer that just may take place…if you’re lucky.
The most comforting person will be one who has lived through it. You can offer them this from a mother who has lived through it:
I have a Guru who has taught me more than anyone else in life.
I have a Spirit Guide who has always given me the guidance I need to transform my life.
I have a Guardian Angel who has taught me more about the eternality of life than anyone else.
I have a Way-shower who has shown me that I AM the strength of God
and I never have to be afraid of life or death.
I have a measurement to go by upon which I base all that I must endure,
ever reminding me that I can do anything.
I have living proof that our loved ones are never far away
and that comforts me always.
I have been able to share all of this wherever I am,
with whomever I am with and that is my ministry
and it has brought comfort to so many, especially me.
I have a Minister who mentors me in Spirit.
My daughter died at 4 1/2 months of Sudden Infant Death (SIDS). Our Catholic priest wouldn’t come because, though we had very good reasons, we hadn’t had time to baptize her. We buried her in a little white casket with a Seventh Day Adventist Chaplain presiding. We will be forever grateful to him. He didn’t know our child, and he misprounced her name. That’s all I remember about what he said. In 2007 the Pope ended the state of Limbo after 800 years.
My book, “We Bring Her Flowers” (Fithian Press) is in the reprint stage but may help if you can find a used copy
MEMORIAL SERVICE
“All of us must lose our hearts to a child…”
ENTRANCE
- Greeter
- Welcomes guests
- Gives out programs—included in program is information on grief and infant loss
- Directs guests to a Baby Book memorial register to sign in
- Angelic Harp Music playing
- Portrait on an easel is displayed up front surrounded by flower wreaths
- Usher directs guests toward the front where a table of memories can be viewed if there are any:
- Photos (There are agencies like https://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/ who will take pictures/family portraits of dying children or children who have died so that families can have a keepsake.)
- Baby items: Shoes and socks, baby blanket, toys, poems, children’s drawings, letters and other heartfelt items
- A lock of hair
- A cast of baby’s handprint and footprint
- An unlit candle, a palpable symbol of a life short-lived, offering a space for grief – an empty space bereft of the hopes for living life
PARENTS & FAMILY ARE SEATED IN THE FRONT ROWS
WELCOME ~ OFFICIATE
The way to being born is a miraculous journey. This amazing time of life is full of mystery, anticipation, joy, hope, and wonder. Feeling the powerful energy of birth and new life, watching as a new family is born unto each other. These things humble and amaze. These are the things that we celebrate when a baby is born. Infants are the most lovely and endearing people, sweet and fresh, brimming with early hints of who they will become.
But there is another aspect of this journey, an unexpected place where some families find themselves. When a child dies, the world is turned upside down. There is confusion, deep sadness, fear, and uncertainty that cannot be explained. There is sorrow where there should be joy. We have come to a place most people cannot even fathom, a place where life’s most joyful moments become the most heartbreaking, where babies die and families grieve.
On behalf of the _____________ family, I welcome you into this place, knowing full well that we cannot imagine such heartache…but we can stand in support and love of this family and we can be their strength as a community.
You might be wondering how to be that support and strength. Certainly we must never tire of listening because this child will never be forgotten and this grief will find its home in the heart of these parents who will need their child’s name spoken aloud forever. That name is _________________________ (pronounce the name correctly as that may be the only thing the parents remember of the memorial service).
All that is needed from any of us is to show up and just listen. Get comfortable in the uncomfortable silence and the not-knowing. If there is anything to do, this family will let us know. For those of you who want more help with this, you can find helpful information in your program.
What we have to offer is Love and Love is enough. On this day, we meet in a place that is made sacred with the spirit of love and memory, for we have gathered here today to give testimony to the power of the brief life that ____________ lived on this earth. We gather also to mourn ___________’s death, to say goodbye to her/him, and to commit her/his spirit to eternal peace.
MUSIC ~ “Ave Maria” by Andre Bocelli
READING ~ from the book, “We Bring Her Flowers” by Sharon Dunn
BARGAINING
God
I wish
s/he’d come back
How
easy life
would be if
S/he
would please
just come back
God
let’s pretend
this never happened
I
promise not
to tell…honest
EULOGY ~ OFFICIATE
We come to this place with a range of emotions as deep and complex as the child we are remembering. When a death such as this cuts across life in its fullness, we are left with a deep sense of shock and incompleteness. This unbearable sadness for the loss of this life, pure and sweet, mingles with the sadness for the loss of possibilities not realized.
- Here there is love – and the searing pain of separation
- Here there is anger – and the futile search to understand why
We remember her/him also in her/his moments of infant delight: to recall her/his first smile and her/his growing response to the people around her/him. I’ve also learned some things about ____________ from her family. I got to know this child because the nature of her/his death required more of me. It requires more of all of us.
- I got to know that this baby never took naps because s/he was afraid s/he’d miss something
- S/he had the most beautiful purple-blue eyes and curly long, black eyelashes
- S/he smiled out the side of her/his face
- S/he loved to be in the center of the room with an audience and hated to be left alone
We gather also to mourn – to mourn for the loss of love growing into tomorrow, deepening and maturing through joy and conflict; to mourn the empty spaces in a home that has been prepared so that s/he might take her/his place among family; to mourn for the opportunities _________ (name) will not have to celebrate birthdays, reach milestones, and make more memories.
The death of an infant is often the death of the hopes and dreams of the parent(s). These hopes and dreams should be named (either they can speak them or the officiate can name them):
- She was the first girl born in our family after three boys
- My dream was to have a daughter/son, a bond that grows stronger throughout life
- Her/his children and their children
- What would s/he have grown up to be?
- What would s/he be like?
We are here to grow through an ending into a beginning – to let go of _________ (name) and, with memories and treasures gathered up for the journey, gain strength for moving through the days ahead.
MUSIC ~ “Tears in Heaven” by Eric Clapton
PRAYER ~ OFFICIATE
Daily we are touched by the rhythms of life and death, yet now we are out of rhythm, for birth and death have seized too closely on the same moment. In sadness for the hopes that are not realized for __________ (name), we seek peace and hope.
READINGS
The mention of my child’s name
May bring tears to my eyes,
But it never fails to bring
Music to my ears.
Let me hear the beautiful music of thy name
It soothes my broken heart
And sings to my soul.
(Unknown)
There is a sacredness in tears.
They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.
They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.
They are messengers of overwhelming grief… and unspeakable love.
Washington Irving
(Include in Program by Sue Bohlin)
What Not to Say When Someone is Grieving
Don’t start any sentence with “At least. . . .”
• “At least you didn’t have time to really love her.”
• “At least he’s in heaven now.”
• “At least you have two other children.”
• “At least that’s one less mouth you’ll have to feed.”
• “At least it didn’t have to go through the pain of birth.”
• “At least you’ve had a good life so far, before the cancer diagnosis.”
Don’t attempt to minimize the other person’s pain.
• “It’s okay, you can have other children.”
- “Aren’t you over that yet? “
- “Oh, you’re not going to let this get you down, are you?”
Don’t try to explain what God is doing behind the scenes.
• “I guess God knew you weren’t ready to be parents yet.”
• “Now you’ll find out who your friends are.”
• “This baby must have just not been meant to be.”
• “There must have been something wrong with the baby.”
• “Just look ahead because God is pruning you for great works.”
• “God never gives you more than you can handle.”
Don’t blame the other person:
• “If you had more faith, your daughter would be here.”
• “Remember that time you had a negative thought? That may have caused this.”
• “You are not praying hard enough.”
Don’t compare what the other person is going through to ANYTHING else or anyone else’s problem:
• “It’s not as bad as that time I. . .”
• “My sister-in-law lost two children and you only lost one.”
Don’t use the word “should”:
• “You should be happy/grateful that God is refining you.”
Don’t use clichés and platitudes:
• “Look on the bright side.”
• “He’s in a better place.”
• “She’s an angel now.”
• “He’s with the Lord.”
Don’t instruct the person:
• “This is sent for your own good, and you need to embrace it to get all the benefit out of it.”
• “Remember that God is in control.”
• “Remember, all things work together for good for those that love God and are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28 is powerful to comfort oneself, but it can feel like being bludgeoned when it comes from anyone else.)
What TO say:
• “I love you.”
• “I am so sorry.” You don’t have to explain. Anything.
What TO do:
• A wordless hug.
• A card that says simply, “I grieve with you.”
• Instead of bringing cakes, drop off or (better) send gift certificates for restaurants or pizza places.
And pray. Then pray some more. It’s the most powerful thing we can say or do.
DO NOT WEEP
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.
Unknown
Rev. Sharon A. Dunn, M.A., is the Senior Minister at the Sacramento Center for Spiritual Living in California. She is a published author and professional photographer and enjoys combining those two interests in her spiritual practice of Contemplative Photography. She is a mother of three, two living children, and “Tutu” to her first grandchild, Maverick. She and her husband, Chris, enjoyed celebrating their 41st wedding anniversary in May, 2015. She loves family and considers her spiritual community an extension of her family.
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