Vow Renewal

We gather here today to celebrate your marriage of _____ years. We rejoice in your continuing love for each other as you renew your vows
We thank God for the passion and joy which you have known and the strength with which you have been blessed. Today you declare publicly before God, family and friends your special love and reaffirm your lasting commitment as partners in love and life.
You will declare that in spite of the difficulties and hardships of life, that with God’s help you will continue to love and be faithful to one another. You again commit yourselves to a love for one another that involves the total giving of yourselves. You covenant to accept each other totally, creating a safe and loving space for each other to grow as individuals and partners and to mature in faith.
You make this covenant today before God, the creator of the life that you share, and the giver of that special love that you have for each other.
May that special love you now share continue to grow and blossom in years to come and be sustained by God, family and friends and the commitment you make again this day.

The Vows

(Name) and (Name), you are about to make promises of love to one another. These promises declare your continuing love to be a special commitment which will strengthen your lives for whatever situation you may face with the strength and courage of two.

I, N , take you, N , my wife,
to have and to hold
from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
till death us do part;
according to God’s holy law.
and this is my solemn vow.

The Giving of Rings

A circle is an ancient symbol of wholeness and peace. It represents the boundaries beyond which the special nature of a particular relationship does not extend. The ring is the accepted token of a marriage covenant. As these rings are fashioned from one of the earth’s most precious material, so may your love, nourished and sustained by the love of God, be the most precious and durable of the values you share. In giving and receiving these rings, you again acknowledge that your lives remain joined in one unbroken circle, wherever you go, you will always return to your shared life together.

The Blessing of the Rings

Heavenly Father, by your blessing
let these rings be to N and N
a symbol of unending love and faithfulness,
to remind them of the vow and covenant
which they have made this day
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
The man places the ring on the hand of his wife and holding it there says

N, I give you this ring
as a sign of our marriage.
With my body I honour you,
all that I am I give to you,
and all that I have I share with you,
within the love of God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

If rings are to be exchanged the woman places a ring on the hand of her husband and, holding it there, says

N, I give you this ring
as a sign of our marriage.
With my body I honour you,
all that I am I give to you,
and all that I have I share with you,
within the love of God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Blessing upon the Marriage

Before God and this congregation (Name) and (Name) have renewed their marriage vows to each other. They have re-confirmed their covenant of marriage by the joining of hands and the exchange of rings. May there be truth and understanding between you as you are a joy and a blessing to each other. May you enjoy length of days, fulfillment of hopes, and peace and contentment of mind.

God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit,
bless, preserve and keep you;
the Lord mercifully grant you the riches of his grace,
that you may please him both in body and soul,
and, living together in faith and love,
may receive the blessings of eternal life.
May God bless and keep you always. Amen

Additional Material for the Service

Prayer

Spirit of God, in whom we live and move and have our being, you have given us the life and grace of human love that draws us to each other. Today we pray for (Name) and (Name) in their continued life together. We are thankful for the joy they find in each other and the hope they declare in this act of re-marriage. May they always be strengthened to keep the vows they have made and cherish the life they share, and to honour each other in love. Amen.

Bible readings suitable for the service

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient; love is kind and envies no one.  Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude; never selfish, not quick to take offence.  Love keeps no score of wrongs; does not gloat over other men’s sins, but delights in the truth.  There is nothing love can not face; there is no limit to its faith, its hope, and its endurance.

Genesis 2:18-24
The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman, ‘ for she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

John 15:9-12
As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue in my love.  If you keep my commandments, and abide in his love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.  These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.  This is my commandment:  That you love one another as I have loved you.

Psalm 128:1-4
Blessed are all who fear the LORD, who walk in his ways. You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots around your table. Thus is the man blessed who fears the LORD. May the LORD bless you from Zion all the days of your life; may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem, and may you live to see your children’s children. Peace be upon Israel.

Mark 10:6-9
From the beginning of creation God made them male and female.  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and they shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.  What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Ephesians
Submit yourselves one to another as the fear of God. Wives, show reverence for your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church and He is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own

Husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wife, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by
the word; that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkles or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own body; He that loves his wife loves himself.

For no man ever yet hateth his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is a profound one and I am saying this as it refers to Christ and the Church; however, let husband love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respect her husband.”

Additional Readings

When you fall in love it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then it subsides and when it subsides you have to make a decision, you have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part, because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining he is kissing every part of your body. No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. This is just ‘being in love,’ which any of us can convince ourselves we are in. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away. It doesn’t sound very exciting does it? But it is.  Dr. Lannis, Captain Corelli’s Mandolin

“The world, for me, and all the world can hold
Is circled by your arms: for me there lies,
Within the lights and shadows of your eyes,
The only beauty that is never old.”
James Weldon Johnson

When the one man loves the one woman and the one woman loves the one man, the very angels desert heaven and sit in that hour and sing for joy. Braham-Sutra

Blessed art though, O Lord, who makes
the bridegroom rejoice with the bride.
Talmud (Ketubot 8)

What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined for life, to strengthen each other in all labour, to rest on each other in sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting? George Eliot

Gravesite

Here is one I have used It allows that some or most of those
present are of traditional faiths.
Namaste . . Rev Bob Vance

GRAVE SIDE / MEMORIAL

CHERISHING MEMORIES THAT ARE FOREVER SACRED – SUSTAINED BY A FAITH THAT IS
STRONGER THAN DEATH – COMFORTED BY AN AFFIRMATION OF LIFE THAT IS ENDLESS

EARTHLY BODY IS A SACRED TEMPLE IN WHICH
[SHE] [HE] DWELT – AND NOW LEAVES IT FOR A NEW
EXPERIENCE IN A HIGHER LIFE – – – IT IS FITTING THAT THE FORMER TEMPLE BE
HONORED – – –

[if this is grave side the following may be added ]
[AND SO WE DO NOW COMMIT – WITH LOVE – THIS BODY UNTO THE ELEMENTS FROM
WITCH IT CAME – – -]

BUT KNOWING THAT THE SPIRIT OF IS NO LONGER HERE – –
AND GOD¹S NATURAL BEAUTY IS ALL ABOUT – OUR THOUGHTS WILL BE OF THE LIVING
SPIRIT TRIUMPHANT – NOW FREE -AND EVER UNFOLDING – AND WE SHALL MEET AGAIN –

WE KNOW THAT GOD IS THE ONLY POWER – AND THAT GOD IS LIFE – – – OUR
HAS GONE FORTH INTO A NEW EXPRESSION OF LIFE – – -IN GOD [SHE] [HE]
LIVES AND MOVES AND HAS GOD¹S BEING – – – THANK YOU FATHER FOR SHARING
WITH US SO GENEROUSLY – – –
WE GIVE THANKS FOR ALL THAT WE HAVE EXPERIENCED TOGETHER – – – FOR THE LOVE
AND FELLOWSHIP WE HAVE ENJOYED – – – FATHER LET
DEPART IN PEACE – ACCORDING TO YOUR WORD – – – IN THE FATHER¹S HOUSE THERE
ARE MANY MANSIONS – GO TO THAT PLACE PREPARED FOR YOU – INHERIT THE KINGDOM
PREPARED FOR YOU FROM THE FOUNDATION OF THE WORLD – – –

LET NOT YOUR HEART BE TROUBLED – NEITHER LET IT BE AFRAID – – – PEACE BE
WITH YOU – LET THE LIGHT OF TRUTH ILLUMINE YOUR WAY – DIVINE LOVE SHALL
EMBRACE YOU – THE PRESENCE – WHICH IS GOD – IS WITH YOU AND SUSTAINS YOU –
SO – GO WITH GOD – – –
CLOSING PRAYER
OUR HEAVENLY FATHER – WE COMMIT TO YOUR UNFAILING LOVE OUR
– – WE THANK YOU FOR THE WONDERFUL MEMORIES THAT FLOOD OUR BEING AND BRING
US A PEACE AND JOY THAT ALLOWS US TO GO FORTH IN THE NEW DAY – FEELING BOTH
YOUR PRESENCE AND THAT OF SO FATHER – ETERNAL SPIRIT –
FROM WHOSE WOMB OF NATURE WE HAVE COME INTO BEING AND UNTO WHOM WE RETURN –
BLESS US WITH YOUR PEACE – YOUR LOVE – AND YOUR PRESENCE – – – AMEN . .
. . . . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

> From: “PEARL TABBERT” <pearlwise@mindspring.com>
> Date: Wed, 17 Aug 2005 16:31:28 -0600
> To: Multiple recipients of list aplacetostand
> <aplacetostand@religiousscience.org>
> Subject: A Place To Stand: Graveside Ceremony
>
> Dear Friends,
> I am performing my first graveside ceremony where there is no other public
> service and the deceased has been cremated. Does anyone have a service they
> are willing to share?
> Thanks.
> Rev. Pearl Tabbert
> Albany, New York
>
>
> ********
> The UCORS: listserv supports UCRS ministers in the process of articulating
> their collective vision for the United Church of Religious Science.
>
> To REQUEST CHANGES IN YOUR MEMBERSHIP please contact
> twallace@religiousscience.org
>
> Please call (800) 262-3776 or e-mail chips@mediamessage.com if you experience
> difficulties with this listserve.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

********
The UCORS: listserv supports UCRS ministers in the process of articulating their collective vision for the United Church of Religious Science.

To REQUEST CHANGES IN YOUR MEMBERSHIP please contact twallace@religiousscience.org

Please call (800) 262-3776 or e-mail chips@mediamessage.com if you experience difficulties with this listserve.

Celebration of Life

Celebration of Life

I’m Dr. Toni LaMotta, and it is my honor to  to Welcome you all to Sal Gaeta’s Celebration of life.  Today, we honor Sal whom many  have known as a loved one and true friend in every sense of the word.

We are also here to give consolation, comfort and support to Toni and to their children – Lisa, Steven, Michael….   Etc.

We affirm this memorial to be one of beauty, inspiration and comfort, and we join in this tribute NOT with a sense of loss, but with the thought that out of this memorial experience there comes something very precious, something that is, to each one here, a guiding light and eternal promise as we allow Sal to continue to inspire and give us joy through sharing memories of his life.

And, perhaps of greatest importance, we are here to deepen our awareness of life as eternal and immortal and to affirm our faith in God and in the Good that we know is in store for Sal now.

I’d like to officially open today’s service by playing one of Sal’s favorite songs – which I’m sure he meant to sing to Toni and perhaps to each of us here today

Let the vibration lift your spirits as we come today to celebrate his life!

play ….https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?fr=yhs-norton-ext_onb&ei=UTF-8&hsimp=yhs-ext_onb&hspart=norton&param1=e00e67ac-bc59-43a2-9931-0e410bb259fb_2020-11-19_cr&param2=ds_nag_nov20&param3=nfm__wk47_2020&param4=1000&p=i+know+i%27ll+never+find+another+you&type=cr_ds_nov20_wk47_2020#id=2&vid=911367baae3ae8a17c1f2ffa46a23e57&action=click

 

 

Whatever good Sal  gave to you, you still retain.  It still lives with you and works for you.  So what we are doing here today is celebrating his life, rather than mourning his passing.  We are celebrating his love, his example and all of the wonderful, individual ways in which he touched all of us.

 

As each of you uphold the vision and memory of Sal with a firm belief that good expands and spiritual growth is unending, then it becomes easier for you to free her spirit.  Envision him as being radiant, healthy, whole, complete and at peace with the serenity that comes from the soul’s onward progression into greater good and rejoice with him in the promise that he has found.

 

In this attitude we then bless Sal with our love and support as she continues life’s journey in spiritual unfoldment.

 

Now, I invite you to take a moment and bring Sal’s spirit to your consciousness. I know that some of you never got to say goodbye and there might have been something you wanted to say… Take a moment now in silence to speak those words to him…For his Spirit is here and now and always present to us…

 

SILENCE

 

And, now take a moment and listen As ???  reads the words he might have said in return… a poem by Pete Gray.

 

Don’t cry for me. There is no need.

IF you did not say you loved me often…

I saw it in your eyes, Felt it in your touch,

Sensed it in our times together, even in the rush of Busyness

If I did not pledge my love enough…Forgive me.

The love was always there. Even when we were apart.

Even when we disagreed, I thought you always knew.

Don’t cry for me.

I chose this life to learn and play, and life’s been full

of such a wealth of times. of joy, of growth, laughter and pain.

Experience upon experience… To overflow the memory, And overwhelm the mind.  I would not change a day of it Except to say “I Love you” one more time.

Don’t cry for me… For where I’ve gone

IT is my choice to go. My task is done, my lessons learned,

My heart at peace.

So laugh with me, and raise a toast, and tell a joke.

And soon, your lessons learned, Your task complete,

We’ll pledge our love again.

 

And now I’d like to play a song that I believe is the way Sal would have us all remember him.

 

 

 

 

 

Someone has said that, “When we are born into this life, we die to another life.  But we bring with us into this life all the creative potential to grow and flourish, to be happy and productive in this world.  And likewise when we die to this life, we are born into another life, and carry with us into that life all we have learned in this one, and all the goodness we have experienced.”

 

We only can know people by what they give us. Not in a material sense but in the realm of the physical or the material but in the realm of the spirit of who they are. What came from Sal who we honor and whose life we celebrate today.

 

I now invite ???  up to give a Eulogy –and then we’ll all share  memories of Sal.

 

I now encourage Toni to come and share her memories with us – followed by ???? and then by anyone else who wishes to share.

 

 

RITUAL FOR SAYING GOODBYE TO Sal

And now, it is time for us to symbolically say goodbye to Sal as we have known her in this physical world.  But we also keep alive her spirit, her soul and her memory in our hearts, surrounded by love which can never die and which can never be taken from us.

 

We give thanks, not only for what Sal gave to each of us, but for what he was in truth and in Spirit, a wonderful expression of life.  He truly made a loving difference in the quality of our lives.

 

A FINAL READING: ETERNAL VISION By J. Sig Paulson

 

“They know me not, who think that I am only flesh and blood… a transient dweller on this fragile spaceship earth that gave me human birth.

 

FOR I AM SPIRIT eternal, indestructible, not confined to space or time.  And when my sojourn here is through, my roles fulfilled, my assignments done, I will lay aside this spacesuit called my body and move on to other mansions, roles, assignments in our father’s house of eternal life.

 

SO DRY YOUR TEARS, weep not overmuch for me, or for yourself.  Set me free, in the love that holds us all and makes us one eternally.

 

OUR PATHS will cross again, our minds and hearts will touch.  Our souls will shout with joy and laughter as we recall the lives we’ve lived, the worlds we’ve seen, the ways we’ve trod, to find ourselves at last in God.

 

And so it shall ever be. And so it is. Amen

 

Closing with Let There Be Peace on Earth

The Ship

THE SHIP (Author unknown)

 

I am standing upon the seashore, a ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean.

 

She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch her until at length she is only a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky meet and mingle with each other.  Then someone at my side exclaims, “There, she’s gone!”

 

GONE WHERE?  Gone from my sight, that is all.  She is just as large in hull and mast and spar as she was when she left my side- and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of her destination.  Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

 

AND JUST AT THAT MOMENT when someone at my side says, “She’s gone” there are other eyes watching for her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, There she comes!

 

AND THAT IS DYING.

 

Because we see only one side of the experience, we are sorrowful as we watch the ship carrying our beloved into the horizon.  We suffer a personal loss, but consider this, To those awaiting her arrival, it is a gain.

 

 

 

Vow Renewal

Friends, we are assembled here today, in the presence of God, to witness the vow renewals of these people. There are no obligations on earth more sweet or tender than those you are about to assume. There are no vows more solemn than those you are about to take. There is no human institution more sacred than the home you have formed together.

Your commitment is a spiritual union. It is then the uniting of two souls already attuned to each other. When that bond exists, it is altogether proper that an outward acknowledgment be made. This then is the purpose of this ceremony; that those who love them bear witness to the entry into the closer relationship of committed partners, of these beloved couples who are already one in Spirit.

Today, your lives with their individual memories, desires, and dreams merge just as they did on your initial commitment to each other. Today, you once again join your life with the one in ll the world whom you love the best. It is a blessed privilege. Will you bring to this union, each for the sake of the other, the best that is in you? Seeking always to express the love that you profess today?

COUPLES RESPOND: “I will.”

This renewal represents the uniting of two souls in the most sacred of unions. It also represents the uniting of two circles of life and, as such, the families and loved ones of these coupled are called upon to acknowledge the spiritual nature of these unions. Will the parents, the families, and all the loving friends gathered here also agree to support these unions?

ASSEMBLY RESPONDS:  “WE WILL.”

Today, you stand in the charmed circle of love. But true love is not a total absorption in each other, it is rather, a looking outward, in the same direction together. Love makes burdens lighter because you divide them. Love makes joys more intense because you share them. Love makes you stronger individually so that you can reach out and become involved with life in ways that you might not have dared to risk alone.

There will come trials and challenges in your life together, but you can meet them all. Love’s quiet patience and tender wisdom will always prevail, for such is the power of love.

In scripture, it is written:

“Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist upon its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, endures all things. So faith and hope and love abide, these three, but the greatest of these is Love.”

Let your faith in Love; and the sacred power of love, grow through the years so that you remain unchanged in your devotion. Two souls do have the power to love each other more, indefinitely. True love has been called a golden ring in a chain whose beginning is a glance and whose ending is eternity. May your relationship, through the years, bear witness to this truth.

All that Love is cannot be contained in words, to attempt to give definition to love is to realize the limitations of language. But words are the palette of the poet, and he has painted this picture for those who would see it:

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught from itself.

Love possesses not, nor would it be possessed,

For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love,  you should not say “God is in my heart,”

But rather, “I am in the heart of God.”

For Love, if it finds you worthy, will direct your course.

For love has no desire but to fulfill itself.

In the fulfillment then, of your deepest desires, which are the desires of the Spirit, which is love itself, will you join right hands. . .

Please turn to your partner and repeat after me:

I give to you my promise

That from this day forward

You shall not walk alone.

May my heart be your shelter

And my arms be your home.

May God bless you always.

Through all things

May you feel deeply loved,

for indeed you are.

May you always see your innocence in my eyes.

I give you my heart

I have no greater gift to give.

I promise I shall do my best.

I shall always try.

I feel so honored to call you mine.

May we feel this joy forever.

I thank God.

I thank you.

Amen.

Today, you begin anew, as you do every day, but today your lives have become part of a larger life, on that had its beginning before time.

Kahlil Gibran has written:

“You were born together and together you shall be forevermore. Aye you shall be together even in the silent memory of God. But let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of heaven dance between you. Love one another, but make not a burden of love. Let ti be rather a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Sing and dance together and be joyous. But let each of you be alone, even as the strings of the lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. And stand together, but not too near together, for the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

The bond that we witness today has been forged in love and tempered in harmony. Let  today, _________________________________, be for you always a joyful memory and a reminder to the commitment of the love that you share.

Repeat after me:

This day I commit to my friend. . .  [pause, while the other repeats]

My friend that will laugh with. . . [pause]

Live for. . . [pause]

Dream with . . . [pause]

And, together, make these dreams come true.  [pause]

Have faith in each other. Fashion your lives together from the dreams that you bring to this day. And, above all, know that the blessings of God and of man are upon the vows that you have made here today.

There is faith and there is hope, and there is love. . . and the greatest of these is Love.

In love then, go, and live your life together.

###

QUINCINERA

An altar honoring Our Lady of Guadeloupe

Three chairs on the platform:  one for each parent and one for Rebecca

Rev. X takes place on platform and welcomes guests and says opening prayer and lights the candle on the altar, inviting all who have passed their Quincinera celebration to call their name into the sanctuary.

Music begins and Rebecca, wearing flat shoes, carrying a bouquet of roses, is escorted by her parents to the platform.

Rev. Georgia says:

Rebecca, your parents have escorted you through your life to this moment.  Now, while still performing the duties of mother and father, they do so now with a new understanding that you are becoming a woman of this community.

 

As we begin the sacrament of today’s transformational time for you, will you present your roses to Our Lady of Guadeloupe as a sign of your willingness to be a young woman of faith.

 

Will you continue to honor your parents as you have in the past?

Will you repeat after me:

Thank you, Mother and Father/ for being my light to find my way./

I will take the values you have given me/ and use them to light new ways for myself/ and to light the way for others./

 

TO PARENTS:  Oscar and Michele, will you commit this day to seeing your daughter as a young woman from this day forward, moving from childhood to adulthood.  Continuing to give her guidance and to begin taking guidance from her as well.  PARENTS WILL BE SEATED

 

 

 

 

 

Rebecca,

Will you continue to honor yourself, your body, your mind, your spirit: understanding you bring the divine feminine to the planet.

REBECCA WILL BE SEATED.

 

Rev. Georgia will say a few words about the divine feminine.

 

Rebecca, today you begin to move from childhood to the time of a young maiden.  Will you call your sister, Torianna forward.

 

Will you repeat after me:  Today, I give you this doll /as a symbol of my leaving childhood / and as a commitment to be here for you /as you continue in your childhood.  One day you will stand here /and I will be here for you then as well.  If you need me, please ask.

 

 

Rebecca comes back to front and Rev. Georgia sprinkles with water signifying a purification of her childhood and her coming into womanhood.

 

Rebecca’s mother gives her father a pair of heels, he takes them and kneels before Rebecca to help her change shoes.

 

Now, her closest male friend comes to the platform, offers his arm and walks her back down the isle, signifying she is no longer a child.

 

He parents follow and there is a reception line following the PARTY.

 

Handfasting

A SAMPLE HANDFASTING

This is a longer version of the Celtic handfasting found on my “sample ceremonies” page. Traditionally, a handfasting was performed by a priest or priestess, who would invoke the energies of the four elements to create a sacred circle in which the couple could be joined as embodiments of god and goddess. The cloth that bound their hands was usually the tartan plaid, representing the groom’s clan or family group. One of the things I like about handfasting is that it is also a declaration of intent, where the bride and groom clearly state that they are marrying of their own free will, as well as stating their vows. In this particular ceremony, six cords are draped over the couples’ hands, one for each vow made (you can make up your own vows of course… you don’t have to use the ones written here, and you don’t have to use six):

——————————-

A SAMPLE HANDFASTING CEREMONY

Lynn and Erik have chosen to incorporate the ancient Celtic ritual of Handfasting into their wedding ceremony today. Traditionally, in the British Isles it was performed by a priest or priestess, who would invoke the energies of the four natural elements to create a sacred circle in which the couple could be joined as embodiments of god and goddess. The cloth that binds their hands was usually the tartan plaid, representing the groom’s clan or family group. One of the things we like about handfasting is that it is also a declaration of intent, where the bride and groom clearly state that they are marrying of their own free will.

——————————-

Lynn and Erik, know now before you go further,
that since your lives have crossed in this life,
you have formed eternal and sacred bonds.
As you seek to enter this state of matrimony you should strive
to make real the ideals that to you, give meaning this ceremony
and to the institution of marriage.

With full awareness, know that within this circle
you are not only declaring your intent to be handfasted before your friends and family,
but you speak that intent also to your creative higher powers.
The promises made today and the ties that are bound here
greatly strengthen your union
and will cross the years and lives of each soul’s growth.

Do you still seek to enter this ceremony?

Yes.

INVOKING THE FOUR DIRECTIONS (optional)

In many cultures it is believed that the human soul
shares characteristics with all things divine.
It is this belief which assigned virtues to the four cardinal directions;
East, South, West and North.
It is according to this belief that we align ourselves with these elements.
Each of these blessings from the four cardinal directions emphasizes
those things which will help you build a happy and successful union.

[Guests are invited to stand and face the four directions]

Blessed be this union with the gifts of the East and the element of Air,
for openness and breath, communication of the heart,
and purity of the mind and body.
From the east you receive the gift of a new beginning
with the rising of each Sun, and the understanding
that each day is a new opportunity for growth.

Blessed be this union with the gifts of the South and the element of fire,
for energy, passion, creativity and the warmth of a loving home.
From the fire within you generate light, which you will share
with one another in even the darkest of times.

Blessed be this union with the gifts of the West, the element of water,
for your capacity to feel emotion.
In marriage you offer absolute trust to one another,
and vow to keep your hearts open in sorrow as well as joy.

Blessed be this union with the gifts of the North, the element of earth,
which provides sustenance, fertility and security.
The earth will feed and enrich you, and help you to build a stable home
to which you may always return.

[guests are seated]

Erik and Lynn, I bid you look into each others eyes.

Will you honor and respect one another,
and seek to never break that honor?

We will [the first cord is draped over the couples’ hands]
And so the first binding is made.

Will you share each other’s pain and seek to ease it?
We will[Second cord is draped over the hands]
And so the binding is made


Will you share the burdens of each so that your spirits may grow in this union?
We will [third cord is draped over the couples’ hands]
And so the binding is made.


Will you share each other’s laughter, and look for the brightness in life
and the positive in each other?
We will. [forth cord is draped over the couples’ hands]
And so the binding is made.

[Tie cords stogether]

Lynn and Erik, as your hands are bound together now,
so your lives and spirits are joined in a union of love and trust.
Above you are the stars and below you is the earth.
Like the stars you love should be a constant source of light,
and like the earth, a firm foundation from which to grow.

————————-

(from this point the ceremony can move on to traditional vows
and/or the traditional ring exchange)

 

Premarital Questionnaire

 

National Association of Wedding Ministers

NAWM encourages all couples to attend premarital counseling/coaching sessions if possible. However, if you will not be receiving premarital counseling then please read the following questions and answer them with your fiancé. You will be surprised how much you learn about each other and your relationship from answering these simple questions. Have fun; be honest and follow-up with counseling, if necessary.

Relationship

  • Do you love and trust your fiancé?
  • How will you make decisions once you are married?
  • How would you handle/settle an argument?
  • What do you do if you cannot agree?
  • Is it hard to say please, thank you and I’m sorry?
  • When you are ill, how much sympathy and attention do you desire?
  • How would you handle end-of-life decisions and life insurance?
  • How will you relate to in-laws, opposite-sex friends, ex-spouse or children from previous relationships after you are married?
  • Do you believe your fiancé will be faithful?
  • Can you see yourselves growing old together?
  • Is your fiancé an honest and truthful person?
  • How do you show each other affection?
  • Is your fiancé kind, gentle and understanding of children, co-workers and family?

Finances

  • Who will be the primary financial provider in the family?
  • Do you support your fiancé’s career?
  • How will you decide on what major purchases to make?
  • Who will pay the bills and keep the checkbook?
  • What is your philosophy of giving to your church or other charitable organizations?
  • What are your thoughts about the use of credit cards?
  • If either you or your spouse lost your job, what budget items would you cut?
  • Will you have joint savings and checking accounts?
  • Have you created a family budget?
  • What percentage of your income will go toward home, car, groceries, utilities etc?

Home

  • Where do you want to live and in what setting would you want to live (city, suburb, small town, rural, plains, mountains, desert, coastal, etc.)
  • What do you expect your marriage and standard of living to be like after five years?
  • How soon after you are married do you expect to have your home reasonably furnished?
  • Will you do your own home maintenance?
  • Who will do the landscaping?

Housekeeping

  • Who will prepare each meal and what types of food will you eat?
  • How often will you eat out?
  • Who will do the laundry and ironing?
  • Who will go purchase groceries?
  • Who will make sure general automobile maintenance is done?
  • Who will do general household cleaning and bed making?
  • Who will wash and dry the dishes?
  • Do you want a pet in the home? If so, what type?

Children and Parenting

  • What is your attitude towards children?
  • When will you begin having children and how many?
  • What would you do if you cannot conceive children of your own?
  • What is your view on abortion and birth control?
  • Who will be the primary caregiver of your children?
  • How will you discipline them?
  • Who will be the primary disciplinarian?
  • Will your children do chores?
  • Will they receive an allowance and how much?
  • How will you deal with children from a previous marriage?
  • How will you deal with issues at their school?

Social Activities/Church

  • Do you share the same beliefs?
  • Will you attend the same house of worship?
  • What will you teach your children regarding your faith?
  • What hobbies or recreational activities will you pursue individually, together and how often?
  • How will your personal friendships (his/her friends) change after marriage?
  • How do you feel about alcoholic beverages, smoking and guns in your home?
  • Where will you spend the holidays, birthdays and anniversaries?
  • Will you both have certain times to spend with your own friends?
  • Will you be joining any social clubs?

Red Flags

  • Your fiancé seems to be irrationally jealous of friends, family or past relationships.
  • Your fiancé is prone to extreme emotional outbursts and mood swings.
  • Your fiancé displays controlling/smothering behavior.
  • Your fiancé is unable to hold a job.
  • Your fiancé is unable to resolve conflict.
  • Your fiancé exhibits dishonesty.
  • Your fiancé does not treat you with respect.
  • Your fiancé is overly dependent on others for money.
  • Your fiancé exhibits patterns of physical, emotional or sexual abuse towards you or others.
  • Your fiancé displays signs of drug/alcohol abuse

Note: If any of these signs exist, you should schedule a time to talk with a minister or counselor immediately.

Wedding additions

The Candlelighting Ceremony

The candle you are about to light is a candle of Marriage. It is magical

because it represents the light of two people in love.

This candle before you is a candle of Commitment because it takes two

people working together to keep it a flame.

This candle is also a candle of unity because both must come together

giving spark of themselves, to create the new light.

As you light this candle today, may the brightness of the flame shine throughout

your lives. May it give you courage and reassurance in darkness; warmth and

safety in the cold; and strength and joy in your bodies, minds, and spririt.

May your union be forever blessed.

SAND CEREMONY

I have before me on this table, three containers of sand. One of them represents the power of love, upon which this relationship is built. One is the color green which represents not only ________ , but also the color of growth — so that the love that is shared by ________ and ____________ continues to grow.

The white sand represents _________, and the light and joy that has been so evident in their relationship from the beginning.

As I pour the rose colored sand into the jar, this represents the foundation of love which is the basis for a strong marriage.

Next, I will ask ________ to pour in some of his green sand to represent his own individual identity which he brought to this relationship. And now I will ask _________ to do the same. We now have created three distinct layers of sand in this container.

The container itself is the relationship — for it is greater than either ___________ or ________ and without the container of the relationship, there can be no union. It is made of glass, and it is fragile. It can shatter. So it is incumbent upon the two of them to care for the relationship, even over their own individual needs.

Now that they have said their vows to one another, I will ask that they each pour their sand into the container together, blending the two colors. You will notice that there is still the integrity of the color of each grain of sand, but they are joined together in a union that brings them close together in the intimate bond of marriage.

As I pour the rose sand over the top, let it signify the shelter of love that enfolds them each and every day of their lives together.


First Rose Ceremony:

Marriage is a coming together of two lives, and a celebration of the love of two people. But it is more. The love that you feel for one another is the flowering of a seed your mothers planted in your hearts many years ago. When you were first born, you were a bundle of diapers and tears, and your mothers lost sleep caring for you. Their love for you has brought them great happiness and great challenges, and their love did not diminish as they met these challenges. That is the great lesson you can bring into your marriage. As you embrace one another in your love, so too do you embrace the families which have been brought together on this happy occasion. As a token of your gratitude for your families, I would like to ask you to offer these symbols of eternal love, these roses, to your mothers. (Both bride and groom can hand the roses to each mother together, offering the mothers kisses if they wish.)

Ceremony of the Wine Cup

The years of our lives are as a cup of wine poured out for us to drink. The cup of life contains within it the sweet wine of happiness, joy, hope, and delight. This same cup, at times, holds the bitter wine of sorrow, grief, and despair. Those who drink deeply of life invite the full range of experiences into their being. As you drink from this cup, you acknowledge to one another that your lives, until this moment separate, have become one vessel into which all your sorrows and joys, all your hopes and fears, will be poured, and from which you will receive mutual sustenance. Many days you will sit at the same table and eat and drink together. Drink now, and may the cup of your lives be full to running over.

Water, stone, sand – community blessing

I have not seen/heard the sand ritual (would love to get a copy as well), but Rev. Sunday did a beautiful water ritual for my wedding in 2002 that is copied below. Seems it could be modified for a sand blessing. It also incorporated a community blessing.

 

Steve and I also modified it for my sister’s wedding to incorporate both the water and the candle lighting ritual while Steve sang the song “Candle on the Water” (see below)

 

Enjoy,

Rev Mary Kay

 

 

COMMUNITY BLESSING:

 

Now I would like to invite all present here today to partake in a special ritual.  This is an opportunity to provide a symbol for Mary Kay and Steve to take with them, to put into

their home, so that every time they look at it, it will serve as a reminder of this beautiful moment.

 

You will see behind me a bowl filled with water and stones. The bowl represents the container that holds Steve and Mary Kay’s marriage.  Inside the water represents the Ever

Present Spirit, the Loving Essence of God.  The two containers on either side of the bowl represent Steve and Mary Kay.  As you will notice, these containers are full, for Mary Kay and Steve are complete as they are.  They do not bring a container that is half full, hoping to be fulfilled by someone else in marriage.  They each, as individuals, are complete.  And they are complete in Spirit, the same loving Essence that is in their marriage, as the water represents.

 

Submerged in Spirit are the stones that represent the many blessings we bestow upon Mary Kay and Steve today.  Now in a minute, Mary Kay and Steve will step forward, take their full containers, and pour them into the Spirit of this marriage, symbolically expanding their experience of Spirit.  While they do this, I request that everyone simply speak out a word of blessing, a quality that will be represented by one of these stones.  Speak out randomly, showering Mary Kay and Steve with your blessings.

 

So, let us close our eyes for a moment.  Open your heart and let the quality come forth that you most desire Mary Kay and Steve to experience in their marriage.  As we open our eyes,

begin to speak out loud your blessing as Mary Kay and Steve come forth to pour the water.

 

Don’t be shy!

 

 

CANDLE/WATER CEREMONY

 

Kary and Kevin move behind Table, Leticia helps with dress, Steve stands

 

In this special moment of time, as you stand before each other, truly committed, filled with joy and love, notice the candles before Kary and Kevin.  The two candles beside the bowl represent the individuals lives of Kary and Kevin. Each one is a light unto themselves and to each other.

 

Contained in the vessel is water. Water is the symbol of Spirit, that ever present nature in which we float through our lives. It is the substance of all life, that which flows through each one of us as well.

 

Within the water are beautiful glass stones. Each one represents the experiences of Kevin and Kary’s lives. Each one individual with its own shape, color, and little inconsistency. Hearts, colors. Like our lives, each experience is a blessing, as it is surrounded by and immersed in Spirit.

 

The candle that floats upon the water represents two things. The coming together of two lives, to be joined together in love. It also represent the light that Kary and Kevin are to each other, shining ever so brightly, showing each other the way of love.

 

Kary and Kevin, May your lights always shine for each other, and as the song that you have chosen says, “Be the candle upon the water” for each other, the light that shines into any darkness that may pass through your lives, and paint a ray of hope around each other, and never let each other go.

 

Kary and Kevin light the individual candles, pause and then together light the floating candle as Steve plays “Candle on the Water”

 

Candle on the Water

 

I’ll be your candle on the water

My love for you will always burn

I know you were lost and drifting

But the clouds are lifting

Don’t give up you have somewhere to turn

 

I’ll be your candle on the water

Til ev’ry wave is warm and bright

My soul is there beside you

Let this candle guide you

Soon you’ll see a golden stream of light

 

When a cold and friendless tide has found you

Don’t let the stormy darkness pull you down

I’ll paint a ray of hope around you

Circling in the air lighted by a prayer

 

I’ll be your candle on the water

This flame inside of me will grow

Keep holding on, you’ll make it

Here’s my hand so take it

Look for me reaching out to show as sure as

rivers flow

 

I’ll never let you go

I’ll never let you go

I’ll never let you go